We’re throwing shade this weekend at KicksOneTwo. You might as well know that off top. Yesterday it was various corny acts in the sneaker game…today it’s corny slang. We’re a positive group, but you’ve got to throw shade when throwing shade is due.
There are far too many stupid terms that are overused in the sneaker community, and need to go lay to rest in the sneaker game’s graveyard of irrelevancy right next to fusion Jordans, Greedy Genius, and Creative Recreation.
So to lay them to rest, we’re going to ruthlessly roast and flame, until these terms are so well-done, they’re almost a little crispy. Then they can be truly laid to rest. Here’s four sneaker slang terms that need to die. Let’s begin with my all-time favorite.
Used in sentences like “them is wet”, “those joints is wet”, or a bunch of rain droplets in emoji form (and sometimes spelled with an H when used in a sarcastic tone), there’s no worse terminology in the sneaker game today. What if you think a shoe is OK? Is it “moist” then because it’s kind of wet but not really? What if you jump in the pool with a pair of “wet” sneakers? Do they then become super wet? What if it’s raining out, and your shoes actually do get fucking wet? What are you going to say then?? Throw this term out of your vocabulary as soon as possible.
Used to describe any all-white sneaker (typically Air Force I’s), “Coke White” is a favorite of the suburban internet kids….who’ve probably never been within two city blocks of any amount of coke in their entire lives (or even on a city block at all for that matter). Yeah, using slang related to an expensive drug makes you so dope (pun totally intended). Get off the computer and go eat that egg salad sandwich your mom made for you. She’s been calling for you to come upstairs from the basement and get it for the last half an hour. And while you’re at it, please go back to saying “all white” or just “white”.
Often used right before “wet”, ‘Them Hoes” is another absolute groaner. Although hilarious when used in the right context (which is sarcastically), this term is a surefire sign that you’re dealing with someone who doesn’t know their ass from their elbow. If you think a pair of sneakers can be referred to as “hoes”, you need to get your priorities straight. There’s a damn good chance you’ve got no sneakers….and no hoes either. Keep it moving.
To understand the annoying entity in the sneaker world that is “ay fam”, you must first understand the context. No, we’re not talking about greeting your close homies here. We’re talking about a statement that precedes something you don’t want to hear, from someone you likely don’t know or care about. When someone you’re not familiar with hits you with the “ay fam”, it’s bound to be followed by an outrageous request. “Ay fam, can you hold me a pair of the new Mikes that release this weekend?” “Ay fam, can we negotiate? I know you said you wanted $300 for the kicks but I’ve got $15o for you right now”. Ay fam….keep it moving.
There you have it. Four sneaker slang terms that absolutely, positively need to die as soon as possible. Agree? Disagree? Did I miss one? Feel free to let me know in the comments or on Twitter!